I wanna know how to get through, throught to something new, something of my own.

Do you ever set a goal for yourself and put an intense pressure on yourself to stick to it every day? So much so that you end up making yourself feel TERRIBLE for slipping.

I have made myself this goal of posting every day for a month, as I have mentioned.

And today I am so dog tired. This has just been a WEEK, you know?

But so much of my goals of the year are about showing grace to myself. Hopefully not crossing the line into going too easy on myself.

I also feel like when I started this blog I was working so much out in my life and divulging so much and it was interesting and fascinating and people were really responding. Because, who wouldn't? I'm so humble. But now that things are working out my posts are less interesting.

I guess I need to take this to the next level. If I want to be a writer I guess I have to really work at it, huh?

But I don't want this to be a blog about my white boy problems...which sometimes it is, but that's fine, because this is for ME.

Part of being an adult I have mentioned is being accountable to no one, but yourself. Which sounds awesome at points. But then, you have to be accountable to yourself! And that shit is hard.

I have started going back to a piece that I wrote over the entirety of my college career. And I even showed it to TWO people. And that is a big deal. I guess I need to show it to more, but I assume no one cares. And I am too sensitive to let other people read it. But I want to go further. I want to put it out there. As opposed to other opportunities that I don't want to take, because I don't want it badly enough.

I have no idea if that makes any sense...

I guess I can blame it on the Benadryl.

Maybe forcing myself to post every day will exhaust all of the boring-ness and will make me search for the wealth of experiences I have to share.

Growing up in a conservative, Midwestern community with a Conservative father who is a minister has always been something for me. But I don't want it to be that cliche thing where so many people are like, "Oh a preacher's kid...I hear you guys are always the worst...blah blah blah." Ew. Aside from the whole gay thing...I would say I am rather square. Just ask most of my friends.

None of this is probably interesting to anyone but me, but I am working it all out so get over it.

Now I think it is time to start watching Ugly Betty from the beginning for the fourth time...