Status Report

I missed my three week anniversary of this blog yesterday. You can blame my friend, Katie. I mention her name, because I have yet to convince her to read my stuff. I was at her birthday party/housewarming. Lots of wine...that is all that is to be said about that.

I am going to cop out a little tonight and do a status report. Like on Friends when they would do those flashback episodes to moments that we've already seen. Like when Ross decides not to invite Rachel to the wedding.

But a status report is good. Keeps me honest.

I have found doing this to be exhilarating at moments. Since starting I have gotten rid of any and all dating apps in my life. I just don't need it right now. I want it...but I don't need it. And this past ten days has been hard, because it has shown me how addicted to it I was. Swiping when I am bored can be so easy. I don't know if I will ever go back to them. I would like to leave it up to fate/God...

It has been a month and a half since I have spoken with my father. He has communicated via text, but I have not reciprocated. I don't remember who said this to me (and at this moment it is driving me crazy) but the longer I go without talking to him the easier it becomes to keep doing that. And that is bad. My last post was about the book Blue Like Jazz which I am really, really enjoying. Anyone that has ever had really anything more than a passing experience with the church should read it. I am the most skeptical of pretty much everything...but this is opening me up a bit. I am a searcher, and this guy is too. He is also an introvert, which of course I dig. He referred to himself as that cordless drill that has to charge for twenty hours just to be functional for three. I enjoyed that.

My mother and I had a great talk on the phone on Saturday night which was just really lovely. I should probably call her after I finish this. (Sorry mom!)

After I posted about my coming out experience and such my gorgeous, kind, funny sister (I say this, because she thought I was giving her bad press.) got very, very angry with me. My family has said that if you cross her it might be the last thing you do; it is one of my favorite things about her. She got very angry with me and was angry about life and general and I bore the brunt of that which is fine. I am tough as well. But at the end of this conversation she addressed the fact that she had called me disgusting that night my junior year of high school. Update: she doesn't actually think I am disgusting. Unless I like fart on her or something... It really meant a lot. I guess I didn't know how much it had affected me until I wrote about it on here.

And talking about her brings me to Lainey. She is out of the hospital...she has her tenth (eleventh?) fracture. Her brace is leopard print (obviously). But today Kristine sent me a photo of a drawing her therapist helped her do. It said it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And I may be crying a bit right now.

I have no focus on my career goals right now. Money has just been so tight and I feel like I am a character in a Brecht play. I am trying so hard to survive that the thought of moving up evades me. That being said...a friend sent me a posting for a part time Broadway blogger for a website that I am applying for. So maybe that is something.

I have always appreciated my writing, but I never thought it might be something that I am known for. Every day I am made aware of my community. And it is a very humbling experience. People who I went to college with read my blog, friends from work, high school teachers, my cousin who lives in Turkey, not Katie...but lots of others.

I hate to be "that guy," but I am just so very grateful that anyone is reading this. I don't know if you have learned anything about yourself through reading this...but my fingers are crossed.